so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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