everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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