guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
