btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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