I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
