You just made me feel so damn special
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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