the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
This is the high leading the old right now
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
