fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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