I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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