Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
