how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
