I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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