highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
