i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
