I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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