If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
