yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
then he tried to convert me to islam
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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