i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Everything about him screamed your future.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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