Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
