he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
