if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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