i think my tv is drunk
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
