He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize