so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
