best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
