I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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