Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I supernannyed him into submission
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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