yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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