I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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