apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize