You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize