What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
