You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize