Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
