dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
