be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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