I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
