He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
