Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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