saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
