i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
