how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
