Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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