did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I love having hate sex.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
