guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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