I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
