I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
why do cheetos always look like penises
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
