So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
