Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
