I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
did i walk over a car last night?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
