does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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