i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
