.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
