who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
