I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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