it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
