Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
