I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
