Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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