tell your sister to shave her snatch
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
last night I used snow as a chaser
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize