i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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