I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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