Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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