Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
