It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
