well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize